Let’s Talk For Real

Do you know, where you’re going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you?  Where are you going to? Do you know? Do you get, what you’re hoping for when you look behind and there’s no open door?  What are you hoping for?  Do you know?  The theme from “Mahogany” by Diana Ross rings in my mind on a daily basis.  As soon as I get a chance to gather my thoughts and begin to review and analyze the crisis of America regarding race, something else happens. In the 21st Century, the dreams of having a good relationship, having a good job, addressing or not addressing racism still exist.  Some of us paint our faces everyday with a strength to keep our jobs, to be good mothers and fathers, to be great educators, people..in all professions..just to survive.  We are unable to demonstrate the disappointment with our society in fear of losing our jobs, livelihood.  It seems that certain minorities will never have a voice.

I recently read an article regarding Starbucks adding the phrase to their cups attempting to spark a conversation regarding race-relations.  I did not think that was an ideal thing for Starbucks simply because their clientele  is predominately white and are at certain socio-economic status.  In my mind, this would be another forum held by people who it doesn’t directly effect. But, I do commend them on thinking of the idea.

Where do we start as a country?  There are African American organizations who are addressing and discussing the issues; which is great.  However, we need to have a diverse panel to begin together.  We need politicians to put aside their personal agendas, and personal views and acknowledge the problems America is ignoring.  News anchors attempt to compile programs to  address issues that most minorities already know and face on a daily basis and feel good about themselves because they think they are opening the eyes to Americans.  But they are not.  They are telling a repetitive story of racism and the inequities in society, but does nothing about…except video tape, and sometimes discuss…but never really attempt to resolve.

Let’s have the conversation.  Take the kid gloves off.  It’s well overdue.  Begin now.

Wishing you well…Or not!

Do you want to go out?  What are you up to?  Why don’t you come over?  Do you have a minute…I need to talk.  Let’s go shopping.  Have you seen …?  These are the questions your single friends will ask at any time of the day or night…that’s until you move in with your guy.  The phone calls stop.  They don’t even check on you to see how things are going…I take that back…to see if things are going badly.  Once things turn out to work out and you’re happy…you can turn your phone in and actually get a pre-paid phone because you are not using minutes with no one other than family members and other people who are in relationships.

He says:  Why don’t your girlfriends call anymore?  What happened?

She says: I don’t know.  I thought they were happy for me.

She doesn’t know how to feel about this. She reflects and re-evaluates how she’s treated them.  She recalls always supportive when they were in relationships.  She’s helped them with their problems.  She gave them a shoulder to lean on and if they ever needed it…a few bucks for whatever.

Many women find it difficult to wish other women happiness.  Why is that?  They can do it when they are part of a sorority.  Or is that forced too…because you’re supposed to be supportive.  What is it about?  Women can be the most nurturing and giving human being; but when it comes to a friend having a relationship and the friend empty handed.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz  the friendship sleeps.  It becomes dormant.  Were they ever friends?  Do you invite them to the wedding?  I mean, you’ve never had an argument to end the relationship…it just dissolved within the debauched friendship.

What do you do?  Do you call and make them respond to their insecurities? Do you just wish them well? Because really, that’s the type of person you are.  Do you care? What do you do?

Common Sense vs. Etiquette

Common Sense vs. Etiquette

If you are going to an event – concert, comedy show, or play, do you leave early enough so you may park the car, buy snacks or drinks, and find your seats before the show begins?  Or do you get there after the show begins, stand in front of others while trying to read your ticket for seating; find your seats and then get up to go to the bathroom or purchase a drink.

This act lacks common sense and fosters poor etiquette.  Why pay for tickets and not enjoy the beginning?  Do you buy a movie or a book that doesn’t have chapter 1?  Then why show up after the event begins? Unfortunately, because your ass showed up late, now you’re interrupting those who would like to see the beginning without, “What number is your seat?” “Excuse me…” Or stand in front of others who are trying to see the show!  Now this is already annoying, but the same idiots leave 10 minutes early before the show ends! Hey! Here’s a message from the rest of us…who are there to see and hear everything from A to Z!

Don’t use your common sense because it sucks!  Go with the etiquette because it will get you there on time, and allow everyone and yourself to appreciate the investment entirely!

Stay in your lane….babe

“Babe you look good.” “ You look sexy in those heels.” “That smile of yours warms me.” “Damn, you look good in that dress!” “And that ass…..mmmmmm.” “ I’m so proud to have you on my arm.” “ I can’t wait till we get home!” “You are the most beautiful woman I know. I’m blessed.”

All of these things are wonderful. However, there is the moment when he says while looking at another woman, “Why don’t you wear your hair like that?”  “That would look good on you.”  “Why don’t you do something else with your hair?”  “Have you ever tried eye lashes?”  “Why don’t you let your nails grow?”

The look of “Why don’t you do something different with your hair? Your belly?  Why don’t you change your hair cut?  Let me update your closet.”  How about this, “let’s do something different in the bedroom.”  “Let’s invite an extra guy over.”  Well, after making the mistake of saying one of the above, I responded and he was not pleased.

STAY IN YOUR LANE!  I love you the way you are…Love me for who I am.

I’m not opposed to spicing things up in the bedroom; or trying new styles in my wardrobe.  But consider where I work; what I do and if it’s appropriate.

There will always be someone more attractive, eye catching for either one of you. And when we have date night, let us do our best to impress each other.  Otherwise, Stay in Your Lane; because I’ve got this.

Starting Anew!

Falling off the radar allows you to reflect on a host of things; relationships- friends, family, and love; your life- activities, hobbies, career, family, education, political stance, happiness, and health.  It allows you to experience depression and how it affects you; and how others react.  It challenges you to explore your inner self; intellect, spirit, and love.

Because of inner strength and my spiritual connection, I am able to overcome the absence of friends.  I use those experiences to teach me that I am authentic.  One learns that those who fall to the wayside when you are not doing well demonstrate the envy that others told you about all along.  One learns having the ability to recognize that you needed time to regroup and reorganize your life.  Just because life brings changes, it doesn’t mean it’s over.  It is time to recharge your batteries, move forward with self and you will attract other positive charges.  Now don’t think that you will not run into new negatives, but you know to keep them at a distance. 

So spring forward! Spring is all about revitalizing, recharging, exciting the inner peace and living in color!

Promise yourself to improve upon your skills, broaden your mind with new things or extend the knowledge already achieved; and live with passion!  Take the risk of throwing your whole self and accept the wounds as a mark of integrity.

I am back!

When saying goodbye is hard to do…

When saying goodbye is hard to do…
So you’ve been in the long term relationship that you thought in the beginning would last a lifetime. You both are opposites; and you see how each person balances the other. However, there has never been any verbal exclusivity. It worked because both parties like the sense of togetherness and separateness at his and her own convenience. Six years down the road, you find yourself wanting a real commitment. What do you do? How do you change the pattern to help the other party understand you are serious?
You start off with the conversation that explains the needs and wants. When he or she reacts opposing, do you stay because there is love there, or do you leave? Do you give the person time to think about what is wanted? If so, how long do you wait? What’s at stake? Is it an all or nothing deal?
Depending on the age, the tolerance will vary. I believe women will put up with the male as long as she can;, however, there will be a breaking point. A point of no return. Is that worth it? Is it not better to leave when you’ve expressed your needs and desires that are not being met? This way at least there’s a possible friendship. Or do you hold out with the hope of him wanting and acting upon the same.
After 45, it’s very difficult to date as a woman. Many have already had families, divorced or with children. And men tend to look for women with body types liking a 30 year old. So that leaves women from 45-50 with young men who don’t seem to be afraid to approach them and hit on them; and can probably yank a hair or two; but no conversation; or the retirees who have different needs and activities because you’re still working. So, what do you do? Do you say goodbye for the unknown? Or do you keep the predictable complacent relationship that warrants half ass happiness?
When do you say goodbye?

Are you following me?

With mayoral elections and other elections coming down the pike, the promise of  honor and loyalty remains to be a consistent song amongst runners and the incumbent.  However, there should be a diary.  A diary of all of the conversations and events that the runners and incumbent experience.  It’s very hard to trust anyone.  Not one official has proven to be 100% because not one official has 100% real power.  So, with modern technology, why is there not a diary, electronic diary, incorporating synopsis of details alongside an instagram or tweet?  This would at least assist the politician in doing the right thing for the masses versus self.

On another note, significant job holders such as superintendents and state appointed employees when taking over school districts should be doing the same thing.  If the objective is to be honest, good, and progressive as a community and society, then what’s there to hide?  A tiny provocative thought.

Communication…sucks!

Communication…sucks!.

The cliche’ “Men are from mars and women are from Venus” is  executed every second of the day.  It’s ridiculous!  It’s amazing that one can communicate with people one doesn’t care deeply about on a regular basis (Social Media) and the people who we deeply care about has us walking on eggshells!  Why is this?  Because we have an engagement and investment in the one we love, we don’t want to rock the boat, make them feel bad, however, we at that point are not respecting ourselves…our own feelings.

Remedy:  Everyone needs to take off the EGO hat, place it on the side and have the conversation of…Listen, Digest..and Respond..If necessary.  It’s not always necessary.  If it doesn’t add to the discussion..it’s not necessary. If it develops the concern or topic..ok.  But make sure the listening factor is totally on.

Although there are several ways of communication it is important to select one that coincides with your relationship.  If a person demonstrates anger by not talking and the other party doesn’t understand the silence…then it’s not working.  Somewhere along the line there has to be a happy median..or it’s not considered communication.  We all need each other..so might as well communicate effectively.

Lonely but not Alone

When I woke up this morning, I didn’t anticipate being alone -Alone in my mind; alone in my relationship; alone in my marriage; alone with my thoughts.

Separation and Divorce is not something that anyone places on their 5,10, or lifetime goal list, but it’s a reality. Learning how to transition is the most easy sounding but difficult thing to accomplish while experiencing this life changing event.  Your friends change, your priorities change; life is changing before your eyes.  There’s no time for preparation.  Although you may see it happening, when it comes to an end it hits you. BOOM!  So what do you do?  This blog is here to assist; suggest; and help you understand yourself better, make good decisions and move forward in a positive manner.  It’s never about the negative but the positive that you must seek and acquire in order to move on with your life. YOU ARE IMPORTANT.  It’s very important that you truly know and understand that as that is the only way you succeed.